i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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