I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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