is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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