question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
