I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
