watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i think my cat just said my name.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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