Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
