Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
