i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
