he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
