Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
