that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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