then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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