Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
