I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
