i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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