You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I didn't shave. On purpose
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
