He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
