I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize