Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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