Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
