The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have post one night stand depression
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