Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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