apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
