Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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