Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
