after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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