Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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