Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
