When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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