i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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