I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
COCAINE IS GR8
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize