hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
