On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
