What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
