dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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