dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
