Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The air was thick with penises
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
