i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize