I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i want to swaddle you in tequila
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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