Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
