found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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