I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize