They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
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