lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
