Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
