I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
