I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I want to stick my p in your. b.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
