some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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