can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
third nipple confirmed
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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