One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
FUCK WHALES
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
