just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hippo gnu deer
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
