just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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