I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
