i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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