your thong is hanging out like whoa
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
