I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
