i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love you. Go after that dick
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
