I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
