If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
