She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
