we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
