I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
