Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
