Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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