You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
