I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
