Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
