dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
