I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
