The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
