Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
