just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
