Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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