SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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