something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
