why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
