my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
