I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
