my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize