Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
