Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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