i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
