Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's always time for handjobs
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
