i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
