well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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