i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
