Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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